Archive for May, 2009

writer’s blog

May 26, 2009

Okay, That is by far the worst joke I have ever come up with. If you didn’t get the joke don’t bother.

After sitting in front of my laptop for the past one and half hour I couldn’t come up with one story to write. The only thing I can think of is the girl who walked into our office with AG today. I’m just hoping she is his sister.

The DFT Engineer has not been very active these days. I have been persuading him to set off on new adventures so that I can write new stories on my blog.

In the mean time, I have decided to suspend this series on the DFT Engineer until further unsuccessful ‘first dates’
Until then…

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Cecelia….

May 20, 2009

There was a time when the DFT Engineer was still a confident young man. He could walk up  to a girl and ask her out on the first day. Now he needs to give himself a pep talk before he can throw a smile at a girl. No…. he did not lose any of his teeth, you moron, its just his self esteem that reached abysmally low levels in the past five months.

He decided to share this story from his past, so that he can prove to his readers that he was once a real Casanova.

DFT decided to go for an early lunch on a beautiful Monday morning (well, DFT actually said, “I hate Monday mornings, especially when there are meetings. I had to eat lunch at 11:45 because I had a meeting scheduled at 12:30. Which moron planned this”, but the narrator decided to leave out some details). He went up to the stall when the girl standing in front of him turned and said, “I’m sorry, I left my lunch coupons at my desk, can I borrow one from you.”

This one looked like an angel, and her eyes were sparkling brown, and her hair color matched her eyes perfectly. She had the hair style that Jennifer Aniston used to sport in the first few seasons of friends. She brushed the hair off her face with her fingers and smiled.

“She is totally in love with you man. See how she made up a lame excuse to start a conversation with you man. As if, someone can forget their lunch coupons before coming to lunch… Play hard to get dude. Don’t give in so easily”, he said to himself.

“Sorry, I just have one.” he said. The girl just left the queue and probably went back to her desk. “The extent that people go to, to prove their point. She didn’t have to give up so easily, I would have talked to her if she persisted. “, he thought.

Over the next few days, he realized that the girl wasn’t really hitting on him. For one, She never talked to him again. Not even when he stood behind her at the lunch counter for the next fifteen days.

He decided to take things into his own hands. He  decided to walk up to her and talk to her. He walked up to to her and said, “Hi, Do you want a food coupon?”…………….

“I’m going to go now…”, he continued.

Then suddenly, he saw the girl go to a table and sit with a common friend. He quickly messaged her and asked her for an intro. “Come join us at the table and you’ll get your intro” was the reply.

“Hey, there. Long time no see” he said, and walked up to the table. He then turned to the common friend and started talking in Telugu.

(Here the DFT Engineer has revealed to his readers that he speaks Telugu).

“So where is my treat? I got you the intro”, said the common friend in Telugu. “You expect a treat for just an intro? Let her come out for a date with me, and then we’ll talk” he replied.

“Are you guys talking about me?” said the girl. Shocked and embarassed, the DFT Engineer turned to the girl and asked, “Do you speak Telugu?”

“No, but I can understand it”, she replied.

DFT started thinking…”Okay, if I start running now, I can reach Mumbai in about 500 days. From there I can escape to Dubai with the rest of the smugglers.”

Just when he was about to put his plan into action… Another brilliant thought occured to his mind.

“So, now that you know, what are your thoughts about it? What say, we got out on a date this Saturday?”.

“Did you just ask me out? I have never done that before you know. Going out on dates with random guys”. “Well there is always a first time” he replied.

“Okay, give me a call Saturday and I’ll tell you”. “But I don’t have your number”. She took a pen out and wrote her number on his hand. The DFT Engineer then went stratight to the restroom and washed his hands with soap, ate lunch and went straight to his cube to work.

Sometime in the evening he realized what just happened. He rushed to the common friend again and got the girl’s office coordinates.He ran to her office and told her what happened.

“I’m not giving you my number again, how can you be so careless?”

“Have you ever seen a man break into a song and dance sequence in the middle of a work day?’ he asked.

“No, you are not going to embarass me like that. I’ll report it to the HR”.

“No you are not going to do that. You are going out with me on Saturday” he said.

They went out on Saturday and then on many Saturdays after that. They got married and lived a very happy life together.

Then one morning, she was waking him up, “DFT, DFT, wake up man. It is not nice to fall asleep in a meeting like that”. He woke up and realized that he was sitting in a domain meeting. Amby (short for Ambidextrous), their domain manager was standing there staring at him.

(For those of you who are wondering why this blog is titled Cecelia.. The song and dance sequence that DFT broke into that day, was Cecelia, by Simon and Garfunkel)

There she was

May 17, 2009

“Hey DFT, There is a problem’, she called him on his mobile phone. (For those of you who didn’t know “The DFT Engineer” is just DFT to his friends. A few of his close friends even call him “Engy”).

She was his really close friend, and he really cared for her. He has strict rules about dating girls and this one was in the friend zone.

“What happened da”, he asked. “I lost my key, and my roommates are not around. I have a feeling that they are out of town. they might come back only tomorrow, or worse, after the weekend.”  “You can stay over at my place. You can sleep in my room and I’ll sleep in the living room. What say?” he said.  “I’ll check, I’ll try calling my roommates again.” she said.

She called him again in fifteen minutes. (Those were the longest fifteen minutes of his life. He was wondering what to do? should he let her stay at his place, or drop her of at another friend’s place. what if she stayed back at his place? What would people say?).

She called him again. “Hey they are still not responding. I don’t know what to do.”

” I’ll come over there and pick you up”, he said.

He was wearing his night pajamas and ready to go to sleep, when she called. He was in no mood to change them. He just got onto his bike and rode all the way to her house.  He went up the stairs thinking he would meet her on the stairs, but he didn’t. He rang the door bell and she opened the door.

At that moment, he heard a million church bells ring. He was still the cynical DFT engineer we all know, but for a moment there he was positive and lively again. She just got a new hair style done and she was wearing a purple top that accentuated her eyes… (You dirty mind, I know what you are thinking…).”Her eyes… I can talk about her eyes for days together……… Her face, like a beautiful warm sunrise after a rainy December night”.

“Hey, Sorry, my room mates just came back”, she said. “Sorry about all the trouble”.  “Hey, don’t mention it, what are friends for” he replied. That moment, he wished they were more than just friends. He wished he could forget about his rules and take her into his arms and kiss her. He then remembered the horrible punishment that the Indian Penal Courts have for sexual harassment and eve teasing, and refrained himself.”You wanna go get dinner”, she asked. “Sure why not”, he replied. “Sorry I’m not dressed for the occasion”, he said. “Really, I couldn’t tell the difference”, she laughed.

He couldn’t stop staring at her at the dinner table. “How can I get such thoughts. This is wrong…”, he thought. He tried to think about all those ex- girlfriends and the agony that he went through with each one of them. None of it worked, he was more and moer attracted to her by the minute.

“What are you staring at?”, she turned to him and asked. “Your eyes, they are beautiful”. he said, dreamily.

“They are the same, they haven’t changed since you last saw them, you know”, she said. “I never noticed them before” he replied.

The television was playing at the end of the room. It was “STAR WARS EPISODE 3: The revenge of the Sith”.

“What is this garbage that is playing on TV”, she said.

“You know, just when I thought we could be more than friends…” he left furious.

THE END

Swimming Lessons

May 10, 2009

The DFT Engineer realized recently that he is getting out of shape. Not like he had six pack abs before that, but he was in a respectable, not so round shape.  He tried going to the gym before  and found it extremely boring. He wanted to try something new and DJ  suggested swimming.

Being the adventurous guy he was, the DFT engineer took a liking to that idea immediately. He found a swimming pool far away from home. He had his reasons for doing that.

a) The coach was a old national champion and more national champions came from that swimming club than any other club in Bangalore

b) It was a unisex pool. He was hoping he would get to see hot chics swimming.

Actually, it is just reason b). He didn’t plan on becoming a champion swimmer any time in this life.

On the first day he was in a batch with two guys and six really hot chics. One of those chics was married to one of those guys. The guy could swim, and he would occasionally come and teach his wife how to swim, after that, he would teach all those hot chics how to swim. He would teach them how to float by lifting them up in his arms and holding them around their waist.

“You can’t do that, you can’t do that”, his wife yelled.

“Lady, you took the words right out of my mouth”, the DFT engineer thought in his mind.

“Baby, I’m just being friendly”, the guy replied.

The DFT engineer realized that being married to a hot chic, gives you the license to flirt with all her hot chic friends. He made a mental note of that and continued to try and float.

“Look me, Look me. See how I floating. Don’t tight body, relax”, said the coach.

“Okay relax, relax”, he said to himself, and then he was rising up, he was not sinking anymore. He turned back and realized that the coach was standing there and holding his legs up.

“Don’t bend knee, keep your legs together”, said the coach.

“How can I do all of that and relax. This is how I relax”, said the DFT engineer.

The coach ignored him.

“So, is this your first class? What do you like more, floating or sinking?”, he asked the hot girl next to him.

She just went under water and stayed there.

“Are you going to stay there till i leave? Come on, is a painful death under water better than talking to me?”, he said.

He just saw bubbles rise up. He got the message

He noticed that the girls were all nice to the other guy as well. He had six pack ab abs he was wearing a  banana hammock.  How can girls find that  attractive.  Isn’t  a banana  hammock  supposed be considered a vulgar display of  private parts. He thought.

Well, that day ended and he went home. He didn’t see any of those girls or those two guys again.

Now it is just him and two creepy guys. One of them is this old, fat bald guy with a lot of hair on the rest of his body. This fat guy also likes to pretend that he

knows how to swim, so he would generally walk around the pool, bending really low so that his upper body is at the water level, and swinging his arms once in a while, to make it look like he is swimming. It just makes him look creepier.

There is one really hot chic though, and she is really nice. The second day she told him that it would take another 4 to 5 hours before he learned how to swim and that he was picking up floating really fast, that she had to struggle to learn how to do that. However, it turns out that the girl was really young, she was still waiting for her second PU results. Also she refused to talk to him after the class. She just gave him a creepy look when he smiled at her after the class. May be she didn’t recognize him with his pants on

The DFT engineer is enjoying his swimming lessons and the creepy guy is also fun to be with.

BEFORE SUNSET

May 3, 2009

BEFORE SUNSET:

A love story from the memories of a cynical DFT engineer.

He just passed PUC and was about to join engineering.
He still had ambitions and emotions. His heart filled with dreams
of a future so bright. He hadn’t yet become the cynical DFT engineer we all know now.

“We should go to the air show man”, said Sunil, his friend from high school.
Unlike most other people his age who join engineering and dream of being the next Bill Gates, Sunil wrote and passed the Airman selection exam
after high school. He was going to be in the Air force, just like his
father and his grandfather. He was destined to die at war……

The DFT engineer (At that time, he was still an Undergraduate would be DFT engineer) smiled and said, “Sure why not”.

They both took a bus at Seshadripuram and travelled all the way to Yelahanka. They didn’t need tickets, because Sunil used his Dad’s badge to get them some passes. They went inside to watch the airplanes fly by. It was going to be an amazing day.

After they entered the airfield, the wannabe airman saw a few seasoned airmen.

“You think I should go talk to them”, he said.

“Do whatever you want dude”, the DFT engineer replied.

Sunil disappeared with the seasoned Airmen. I hear he was gang raped
by every one of those guys. An old air force tradition, it was.

He sat there on the floor, bored. “Maybe, I should go up front and watch the
planes from up close”, he thought.

He struggled through a million people clinging on to the railing for their
dear lives and reached the railing. It didn’t help much, Now he was bored and tired.

He was standing there in the sun, bored, tired and dehydrated when the girl next
to him said the three magical words……………………………………….
…….”I AM BORED”.

Was it destiny, he thought. There he was bored and tired, and there she was, bored and tired
as well.

(AT this time the DFT engineer of the present realized that, if he bent the display of his laptop
to almost 175 degress, the display is barely visible and it gave the screen a nice Sephia look. After
playing with that for a few hundred minutes, we return to the story)

The girl said those three magical words…………………. “I AM BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD”.

This is your chance boy, he said to himself.

“Maybe we should chuck the Air show, and do something fun on our own”, he said
to the girl.

“Well…. What do you suggest”, she said… Still scandalized by the
fact that a random guy just started talking to her…

“We could start by getting out of here and getting some Ice cream”, he said.

“I am tired and it is hot and I would like something nice and cold and soft and creamy, may be
with some chocolate sauce on top..mmmmmmmmmmmmmm”, he continued, his mouth watering at the thought
of Ice cream.

“Okay Okay, Lets get the ice cream”, she said, hoping that would get him to stop drooling…

(The DFT engineer of the present also cannot stop drooling as he is typing this story)

They walked to the ice cream vendor, who actually had a fridge attached to his bicycle.
“Kwality Walls, I am not buying ice cream from here, these guys cant even spell quality properly”, he said.

The girl promptly ignored him. They bought the ice cream and continued walking…

“Do you wanna go check out that Hangar there”, he said.
“Are you sure we are allowed in there?”, she wondered.
“Come on, we are at an Air show, everything is up for display”, he replied.

Turns out, everything is not up for display, and somethings were out of bounds
for civilians. Yest, they were destined to get arrested.. They went inside and found out that
it was empty.

We should totally hang out all the time he thought. They had some much in common.
They were both at an air show, they were both bored and tired.. They were made for each other

After hanging out for eight hours and talking about everything under the sun, from stupid social studies
in tenth standard and how they escaped it by taking up science in PUC. They decided it was time to go home.

“I think I’ll go find Sunil”, The love struck DFT Engineer said.
“Good for you”, she replied.

He turned back and walked a few hundred yards. He stopped and turned back and ran to her.

“Listen, I know it is kinda late and kinda lame, but do you have a name?”

(He didn’t realize it then, that his sentence rhymed perfectly)

“It is Sha………”

(Damn it, what was her name………….)